“I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze.”
D.H. Lawrence
The weather recently shifted from cool to cold and so I switched from my thin black jacket to my winter coat, which happens to be a beautiful but enormously puffy thing with a giant (fake) fur collar. I really do love the look of it, especially with the hood up, but it’s less than convenient on transit where it takes up a lot of space and every time you turn your hood tickles the nose of the person next to you, causing them to sneeze.
Sneezes are super weird. I tend to sneeze unreasonably hard and loud; and some have accused me of seeking attention. And to be honest, yes, I do like to violently let go of all the air in my lungs and project my saliva around the room; it’s just the sort of attention every girl wants. It’s also quite useful for predigesting your victims.
It was as I was getting off the SkyTrain the other day, doing the crowded subway, zombie shuffle towards the escalator, that I suddenly sneezed and sprayed the coffee in my mouth all over the Japanese girl in front of me. I apologized and she assured me it was ok but I was left wondering if she knew it was coffee or just thought I had an unreasonable amount of brown saliva? Later I returned to finish her off.
Seriously, I’m a complete fucking menace on public transit.