“I wasn’t really naked. I simply didn’t have any clothes on.”
Josephine Baker
It’s a new year, a new you and shopping for a sassy, new outfit is the perfect way to celebrate.
I don’t shop often but when I do, I have to say that Hudson’s Bay is simply THE best. Sure, you do have to hunt for the good stuff – spread over 7 floors – but hidden amongst the dusty racks of rejects are some truly amazing finds. Not to mention compounding discounts so deep that, if you play your cards right, they might just pay you to take the clothes away.
My other favourite things about the Bay has to be their change rooms. Seriously, these stalls are massive and due to a lack of staff, no one will ever check on you. Plenty of time to have a little snack, check social media and have a dance off with your reflection in the mirror – all before you even think about trying anything on.
So go ahead and wander in with 20 or more outfits. Get yourself set up. Kick off your shoes and recline on the chaise lounge. This is your kingdom now. No one is going to bother you.
Time to strip down and observe your body in the full-length mirror. Adjust the mirror leafs so you can see your dimpled ass and that thinning spot on the back of your head. Head over to the mini bar and pour yourself a stiff drink. You’re going to need it.
Try to fit into the size 6 dresses you selected despite the fact that you’re actually a 12. Oh hell. Whatever. Squeeze into that outfit bitch. Get caught half way – head covered, ass exposed. Panic a little as you realize you might need to call for help. Imagine the sales ladies discussing your questionable underwear choice as they phone the fire department to extract you.
Dislocate your shoulder so that you can get out of that dress on your own. Wriggle free. You’re good. Snap your shoulder back in and head on over to the food court. Happy Sunday!